Have nothing to give of what she dreams of but may be another 60 years and that is all I have

Just a few days left for the big day of my life and here I am trying to make the ends meet. They say that when the big day comes near then all sort of questions start coming to mind. She loves me or she loves me not. You see love is a complicated chemical locha, interpretation of which is not common to people who find it difficult to understand the process and ingredients of this locha, which happens only in mind and I am one among them. I am not the one whom someone would look and say that he is the perfect person, but i guess no one in this world is perfect. I am what I was an year ago and while as I learn I keep adapting to new situations, circumstances and new people but I can never be some one I never was. For the most part of my life I had thought that love is what is required to lead a "and they lived happily ever after" kind of life. But the fact is love is not the only chemical ingredient required for such kind of life. It is amazing to know that there is no sure short formula also to lead such a life. So what are the real ingredients? I had always dreamed to say Yes to some one who knows that for any relation to build a strong bond requires a hand, a hand to hold you when times are not good, an attitude of never to give up on each other even in the worst of the situations or a simple acknowledgement that two people can never be the same and that they will have differences. It requires purity of heart and thoughts and a self less commitment to make it work and where failure is not an option. I always thought of finding some one who is independent in her own ways. While she may require care and some one to stand by her but when it dawns upon and the situation requires her to be then she will be strong and independent. A fighter - for the right things in life and for ensuring that no wrong is done to others. Some one who knows how to manage and respect feelings and emotions of self and others. Some one who serves as a bond for the members of the families. Some one who is kind at heart and who knows how to live larger than life. I had imagined her chit chatting bringing with her a sense of energy. Like the sun, you some how trust that it will again rise the next day and brighten up your day. I knew that this is what is the right ingredient for a happily ever after life so when I met her I said Yes.

India's 65th Republic Day!

Arvind Kejriwal was making news during last few days and that is what he was looking for. All the news channels had only one head line, who would be the next prime minister. Along with that this year 2014 we celebrated India's 65th Republic Day. Exactly 65 years ago the Constitution of free India came into force. Amid this back ground two people on this planet were trying to figure out about how their life's next big step would look like. A bigger decision was yet to be taken. The day was quite cold as the winters were on their full swing. Kanpur roads were as usual busy during the afternoon. I was dressed in blue shirt and a grey trouser, my best colors, I thought. I had not thought how the day would proceed and had my fingers crossed. First time meeting some one brings goose bumps to me. Me along with my parents and sister made our way through the narrow staircase and reached the first floor of the building. We had warm welcome and every one was waiting to meet the new face. It was like when you wait for your interview, you look up to the person every time she would call a name and wonder when will your name be called. It was that long wait and the turn was yet to come. After a pretty good time we witnessed her first glimpse. I had mixed emotions because at that moment while I realized she was there at the same time I realized there were people around, both known and unknown figures, who might be watching my moves or probably noticing my eye movements. She sat on a chair which was a feet away on my right side. I finally looked at her and she was like an innocent girl looking down at her feet. And suddenly there was silence, as if every one was waiting for the judgement call. The silence extended a while more, I almost felt that I would burst in that very silence. Some how we heard a voice and after a couple of sentences from my dad and sister I spoke. As I spoke I took the chance to first time look at her. We had nothing to talk about but compare the weather of Kanpur with Bangalore and then Bangalore with what not. I think the best conversations start with guessing of the weather in India. But hopefully this trick works all the time to start a conversation. What followed was a series of conversation and replies. I tried as much as I can gather but the mind was registering only fragments of what I was discussing, I was worried as to what part of my conversation she might not like so I should rather limit my words. Soon we managed to understand a bit of each other and that was it. Soon we were off to the nearest mall along with both the families and we talked a little more. I was hoping form one member of the family to another and still noticing where she was heading to. Soon the day end came near and we bade good bye to every one. It was an eventful day and I believe it ended well for all of us. In times to come I only hope that the story which started with 'Once upon a time' ends with 'and they lived happily ever after'. Some stories are only read in books and some find a place in an award winning function. I wonder where my story meets her's in the real life, out of the pages of the book which is still being written some where. I am yet to write 'My Adventure Book' and the 'Stuff I'm going to do'.

Long Break

Writing after complete two long years. The dates also match the exact figure of 2 years. While I am writing, I am finding it difficult to write, I am sure not writing for such a long time would have brought some laziness. Time seems to have moved faster than I would have moved my self during this hibernation. Nothing was coming to my mind so labeled the post as 'Long Break'. Quite an eventful years passed by in a jiffy and here I am again. A lot has changed also, some losses and some gains at personal and professional front. But in the end life is still moving on. The thing is I am happy about the years gone by, all I have to learn is to let go of the past and embrace the present, future will surely be bright. Lol, what a philosophy I am writing. Will surely write something interesting soon but for the time being this is good enough :). The only problem is that the author in me is saying 'dude write something more'. Ok the truth is, tomorrow is my office. Yes, yet again, I wish today was Saturday, but alas, not every thing one wishes come true in life then how can a Tuesday be a Saturday. Ok, so here comes out the author in me. I made palak ki sabji yesterday and it was awesome. Not that any one had the green leafy vegetable with me, I ate the entire vegetation alone. And my stomach is still struggling to digest all the leaves together. This dosent mean that the sabji was not tasty, it was, after all I ate the entire lot by myself. By the way I have moved from Gurgaon to Jaipur. What a striking difference. Jaipur sleeps by the time I leave office, even the kirana shops are busy closing the shutters around 7 or 8 in the night. This is unlike Gurgaon where some shops start their operations by the time sun drops in the ocean. Nevertheless, Jaipur is very good place. Good food, good people and good amount of foreign tourists :). Hope this blog will see me more often now as I am a lazy person, the only website I mostly visit is www.facebook.com, that kid recently got listed at NASDAQ and then got married too. What a fate, all the money he will make will go in her shopping list. God bless the couple and facebook. So in short, good khichdi made here. Keep posting: Ok serious, life is very short, dont waste time (days/ months/ years) in regretting something you could't do or get. Be happy and share happiness with others for whatever time of their life they are with you. If you made some difference in their life for the time you were with them, then its a time worth cherishing and a life worth living. See you soon.

Some thing about every thing

This is a random thought box, no specific topic, just some thing about everything:

Random Thought-1

Entering in to the 12th month of my job I was just wondering that I have survived this period. Let us accept this fact, life is not that straight. Off late I have been daily thinking about how my future would look like. Things that will change the course of my life, things like job, marriage, family etc etc. The best part of this time is that it puts u in a dilemma where you are in a state of illusion.

College is the thing of past. It was the time when time was in abundance. Now is the time when time is limited. On the one hand it is difficult to make decisions that might affect your life, so quickly and on the other the time is running short. So what is it that I am supposed to do? I am clueless, unless some one can guide me, but the truth is there is no one called some one or is it my illusion.

Random Thought-2

I have heard stories since my child hood which had similar endings "...and they lived happily ever after". I have always thought my life to be like a fairy tale, and why not. Is it possible? Yes it is, the only thing required is to make the right choice in your life. So it is about the choice, but wait, every one in this world makes choices and if it is about the special one then she also has a choice to make. So what if their is a clash of choices or to be more specific clash of expectations from one another?

Expectations is what we develop when two people come close to one another. Though this is not always true but in a love marriage usually what happens is that the two develop very high expectations from one another. Promises like "chand sitare tod ke lana" and "mai tumhare liye jaan bhi de dunga" are made when the two are in love with one another. What happens after marriage is that if not "chand sitare" the two end up buying groceries from the near by store and cooking real food and discussing real life situations with each other. NO one dies but they rather strive to live together "...happily ever after". In some corner of the mind the unfulfilled high expectations leads to dissatisfaction.

In arrange marriages, unlike in love marriage, the two are absolutely unaware of one another and thats when after getting married they start building expectations from one another along with the process of mutual understanding. The end result is that they also buy groceries but they seem to live a life of "...happily ever after".
But the above situation is not true always. In either of the cases the the arrangement might not work out as thought from before hand.

What if there be a third situation, where it is not exactly a love marriage and neither it is an arrange. This situation arises when there is an understanding among the two and they do not make expectations which can not be fulfilled. But since it is a stage where the relation still has no name the two are cautious to not to reveal too much and not to hide too much so as to end up messing the whole thing. It is a stage where they know about each other but there still lies the scope of exploration which can be crucial for the life changing choices to be made. A stage where distances does not allow for easy exchange of thoughts and feelings, where meeting one on one is still a distant dream and where love is still talked less about since distances does not allow to develop those feelings immediately.

Marriage is not a part of life but it is life itself.
When time is moving constantly and has its limited existence then choices as these are difficult to make. Its a choice which requires from both dedication, maturity, responsibility, a good understanding, and the most of all, love. In my fairy tale I dream of some one who will be my world and for whom I will the world. Its time to "explore" my world and make sure it ends with "...and they lived happily ever after."

Signing off :)

Blah Blah !

Not in good mood today, I will also blabber a bit, so please appreciate my state of bad mood. Came to Delhi today morning, and after a long break of 14 days I am back to work. And I am sick of it (detail reason one can ask me personally, cant explain here).

Another thing I realized today was that I was sad coz of two reasons, one that I am now away form home and two I was not in touch with my friends all these days. My sister's marriage went well, and it was a wonderful time for me and my family, and I am very very happy for her.

Me back in Delhi is still struggling to put things together, and the fact at the bottom lies that there are hardly any people to help me do that (getting nostalgic). I just cant sleep every day and rise up to nothing at all, life seems to be dull, without any fun or people around whom one can really talk to, and to add to that a job, which is now in doldrums.

Sometimes I regret having been made of material too good for a bad world or for being someone who thinks a lot about others.

Some say that there is a better world for me waiting some where of which I am not aware. But I say that this is the only world I am made for and in which I have to live. The characters in this world are defined by themselves. A portion of which are part of my world, just as in I am a part of their world. But there are a set of characters who have a world of their own.

I dont know why but I have this curiosity and an urge to make these characters a part of my own world. I feel like exploring their world, unknown to me. This everyday struggle makes me restless. There is a lot to be done in life and time is running short second by second.

Still thinking a lot and dont know what to write so signing off... rest later.

Coldplay - Scientist

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmjPrdTNxQ0

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.

Ohhhh oooooo

Ahhhh oooooo

Bosse's Day Out !

I am sitting in my office and am very happy, don’t know why but I am :D. Actually my whole team has gone to deliver a workshop on PMS :D including the big boss :D
Soooo I have nothing to do, soooo I thought I should do some productive work. Soooo I am doing it. Let me capture some of today’s chores.

Woke up at 8 : 15 am, yeppe.

Hypothesis: If I take bath then I will get late to the office.

Analysis: Thought twice thrice and four ice about taking a bath. Did some calculations about the temperature of the water and the time remaining to get ready, and based on the research and benchmarks I came to the conclusion that my hypothesis was correct.

Hypothesis: Having breakfast (in the morning) is good for health.

Analysis: Openend the fridge and looked for something heavy, umm like bread and butter or bread and boiled eggs. Picked up the eggs to boil for breakfast, but then realized it was Tuesday, sooo no break fast, only fast. I was happy that I did not have eggs coz its Tuesday and am still healthy. Result: Being healthy is not directly correlated to having break fast in the morning. It is also based on the fact that you are still dumb by the time you happened to pick the eggs. Had I continued being dumb after picking the eggs I would have had it :D

The report so far says that I am all dressed in grey (office dress) head to toe. Denied self for taking a bath and had no break fast.

With only 15 minutes left I grabbed my bag and ipod and my keys and started walking towards my office which is where I am right now (so insightful information). During my walk I heard some good Cold Play songs and then reached office. All my team members were ready to go for the workshop in one of the plants. I thought that I should also join them but:

Hypothesis: If I go for the work shop, I will have a good time.

Analysis: Welll , that’s sound enough a reason. I mean being a part of the work shop on PMS and then doing nothing seems to me a good idea. Then in the morning I did some past data analysis. My colleagues had earlier cribbed about the sad nature of the …

(Break for a min: I just received a call from Garima, and she says that she's pissed off :D. I am so sorry for her; I can only sympathize. But I just can’t stop laughing and smiling at this moment. Garima if you are reading this then please don’t yell at me, its not about you (u know that) its about the whole setup we are in.

Sorry for hanging my analysis in the mid, but can’t help it :D)

Ok so where we were?
My colleagues had been cribbing about the whole thing and how the PMS thing will come crashing down if somebody tried to implement it out right. She just told me that she had been kinda talked talked harshly and same goes for Anshul as well. Will talk to them about it when they come.
And if any one is thinking that I will be saved from all this, then you are wrong. Tomorrow I will have to attend the same workshop, to be held in Corporate office.

So as the analysis goes based on the past data and the opportunity that no one will be in the office today I finally decided that I will be in the corporate office. But this dosent prove that my hypothesis was wrong. I had to have one more confirmation. I called the big boss and asked if I could attend the workshop today, but he asked me as to who will be in the corporate office then? So I had to any ways stay back :D. Finally my hypothesis was proved otherwise.

Later this morning I did some work, replying to emails etcetera and soon got bored of it. Sooo I decided to take a good long walk and have something good in the market nearby and it was already close to lunch hours. So I started at 12: 45 thats 15 min before lunch time and had some yummy spicy chole. Walked to the nearby public park and played for a while with the office employees :D, seasaw and swings, cudnt fit in the fisal patti, was meant for small children :D.

(just had a tea break of 30 min :D)

Time 3:50 pm and back again:

Sooo had a good lunch time out. Now I am spending my good time talking to the people who are not a part of my department but we have kinda invaded their territory and acquired three desk tops sufficient enough for 6 people that we are :D :D.
Today their boss is also not in office :D :D.

Now only 1 hour and 30 min. left for the office to get over and I am running out of words already.

4:20 pm: Thinking of a movie plan now, three idiots. Yeah Ive seen it once but I am being offered for free. Whats the harm then :D

4:27 pm:
All tickets sold out :(

4:30 pm: One more to go

Zzzz Lazying like never before,,,, yawns zzzz!

4:41 pm: Still thinking. Id better sign off. What say?

Hypothesis: If I sign off this post I will have nothing to do.

Analysis: I will do a sample analysis now, a kinda survey.

“X”: Do you really think you will have noting to do if you sign off.
“Me”: Yes.

“y” Is it? I heard that if you will stop writing then you will have nooo thing?
“Me”: Yes.

“z”: What is all this crap you are asking? Obviously! You will be out of work. What do you say?
“Me”: Yes.

Results: Now based on the survey I did an average out of the three samples I had a talk with said yes, so if I multiply 3 by 10 I will get the sample size of 30 people which will make my analysis authentic :D

So if I count the "yes" and "no" of the sample population I will get.. ummmm..lemme think..ummmm

Me saying “yes”= 3 times and 3 multiplied by 10 is 30 soooo…
Result: 30 sample size says Yes: I will have no work if I quit writing now. Hence my proposed hypothesis is again right :D :D. I am a real mathematics genius :D

4:55 pm:
Ok now, let’s play puzzles:

Naaaayyy

Getting highly bored now,,, want to go home. Eat something and that’s it.

Ok ,, so here comes a good news from a trusted friend, the workshop is over and our team is leaving from the planet,, oops! plant :D. They will directly leave for their home.

I am sure it wouldn’t be a blunder at least.
Officially signing off now.

“You take care :P, because I am thrilled and excited :P”