THE "x" FACTOR

Ask your self, "Am I loosing on something?".

May be (pause) or may be not (another pause). It all depends on how one takes that question. It is a highly thought provoking question for me. Every time I am on the verge of loosing any thing (yet another long pause) I get restless and that is what I don't like at all what ever it be.

I would rather die in plenty than live in starvation. This basic philosophy applies to any thing & every thing under my umbrella. It does not mean that I would take with both hands, rather it will be the other way round, with the hidden intention that my giving some thing would (kind of bribe u can say) restrict the loss that might happen due to any reason what so ever.

I avoid complications,,, not an easy thing for me to handle. But still what if? Things do go out of hand at times, and at that time I feel helpless at the face of the complexity. Which in turn also makes a mockery of me "look at you, cant handle me, huh!".

But I know what is good or bad for me, so I decide to take action. Or rather die trying dealing with it.

There is some thing in me which prompts me to solve the complexities of others too. And those are for selfish reasons (inherently), it makes me happy, it makes me feel that he/she will at least remember me for what I might have done for him/ her even though I might forget about it in future. Thats because most (mind the word most) of it would be a selfless (apparently) and a thank less job.

What if my very act of solving other's complex situations become another complexity. And what if it does not get solved even if I try different ways.

It means I am stuck. In simple bol chal ki bhasha, I am screwed. Well that seems simple maths isint it?

But its not. Certainly if all the calculations are leading to one answer it means that the answer is correct. But the point to ponder over here is, are we doing some fundamental mistake in every calculation? If yes then we had it. If the subject involved is a human being then the probability of doing that certain fundamental mistake shoots high. This is because unlike maths, for us humans two into two in not always 4, rather it is "x" a variable. This "x" factor is responsible for all our calculations giving the same answer, actually the fact was that we never bothered to consider this factor in our calculations ever.

I assume this factor "x" is embedded some where deep in our brain cells, happily guiding every damn thing we do and every damn thing we think of. It actually rules us in a way, is responsible for all our emotions and actions.

So there we are, after all this deliberation and analysis we reach at one conclusion. The factor "x" in the brain is responsible for everything. But wait wait! So we believe that our calculations will be all fine now and that no more complications will arise any more?

Huh! did I just say every thing will be fine? I guess I was day dreaming. The factor "x" of of any other person is not in our control, it is in his/her control. So?
So the fact that we must get the right answer lies in the hands of the question creator itself.

Damn! what is the solution then?

Its simple :)

Each one of us must introspect to find that "x" in us. It is some where in our mind playing with us and guiding us in every situation (but it is not the sub conscious or our conscience). It is letting us think the way it wants us to think. At times it validates its own forced ideas/ thinking on us when others say something that matches with its way of thinking.

The crux is, as we introspect we will find many answers to any single question/situation we face in our daily life. We must take charge of it and take action to either resolve it by taking a stand of our own or rather die trying to solve it.

Highly confidential, the second part would never occur given action is taken at the first place only :D so thats it. I guess things seems pretty much simple now. No more calculations needed, just take care of factor "x" and the rest will automatically be taken care of.

Happy hunting :)

The Wonder Years

I have been watching Wonder Years for quite some time now, a series which used to be aired on TV in the mid seventies and early eighties. Its every episode has a small and a simple story with a deep meaning hidden some where in its simplicity. I am wondering as to which episode might have struck my writing chords & inspired me to write this post.
Here is a small story about two kids Priyanka and Sumit or Chinky and Mickey.
Yeah! you got it right. Thats my sister and me :). I had one of those wonderful wonder years.
By the time I was 3 I got an admission in one of the city's school Holy Ganges Children Academy. My sister was already studying their. The two kids were not so popular among the common population of the school, but they always figured in at least the top 5 or 6 ranks in the school, that was one of the reasons why Mr. Nautiyal (the Principal) sometimes refered them as "The Rathores" while distributing report cards at the end of every academic year during the morning assembly. As a kid I had some very good friends too, they used to play during the lunch hours but not after the school timings. They were a mix bunch of people naughty people. I always wondered that some of them were very intelligent, not because they got good grades in report cards but because they always completed their home work on time, unlike me.

Getting back home was fun. Every day we used to get back home together on the rikshaw & the rikshaw wala bhaia waited for us every day at the school gates. The school was'nt as bad as we thought it to be but no happiness of the world could have matched the happiness we used to get at the time when school used to get over.

I was as brave in the house as I was in school. But for one thing, fighting battles with my elder sister was tough, I mean very tough. With all my tools I was always ready for the battle, you never know when the enemy would get angry and for what reason, be it switching on the lights or closing the door behind or for that matter just for bringing a glass of water when mom asked for it. Considering our up to date knowledge of the technology, we used highly efficient rocket launchers made of sketch pen caps and pen springs, light hand granades made of crumpled paper and the deadly white chalk pieces, the lucky one used to have the colored chalks gathered from the school's art/biology classes.

Summer vacations were never boring for the duo. Right from building secret houses in the empty almirah to making the world's best soups out of water and syrups during the hot sunny afternoons. At times during such afternoons we used to keep onions (to avoid the effect of hot dry air of summers) in our pockets & travel to the nearby places within the society discovering new houses and parks.

Winters were fun too. I and mom used to sit on the terrace trying to bask in the mild sunrays. Having a book or so or my home work in hand was necessary. My sister also religiously studied during that time. It was just that we never happened to concentrate on a particular chapter. The moment mom used to leave for some work, it was time again for us either to have fun or fight.

Times passed by reading and learnig those chapters, mugging those never ending spellings and byhearting those mathematics table,,two one-za two and two two-za four. We left the holy city of ganges and came to our hometown. The house changed, the friends changed, the neightbourhood changed and so did we. With every parting year we became more mature and sinciere. The amount of our fights reduced & their type got changed.

My elder sister got elder enough to travel hundreds of kilometer to study in Manipal. While it was then that I went to Lucknow. we some how got seperated by distances and time. We got new friends and new college and thus we got busy in our own lives. Ever since our graduations we were hardly together. But with the distances we did sensed our responcibilities, towards us, toward our family and towards our future.

I knew this day will come once in our life, but never happened to have paid attention to it ever, untill now. I have been thinking, how does it feel like when some one from the family leaves us to be a part of a family which one probably has never seen or met before. I mean after so many years how could one leave and just go one day. My head makes me realize that there are certain greater responsibilities on her shoulders now, she is ready to live in the world of her own. But the heart does not support the analysis presented by the brain. For parents I believe the heart would hardly support any analysis even though aparantly it may appear so.

With all those good and bad times we had together and the happiness and sadness we shared together, it was time for us to move on. We will only be left with fading memories of days we used to build our own houses, those day dreamings, those superman and batman fights, those summer vacations and discoveries, the bigger cake and small cake quarreling, the tipi-tipi tops and the ring-a-ring-a-roses, the days when we used to watch Mowgli and Surabhi, the milk glasses we never used to like, the picnic outings with family.

On some sunny afternoon in winters I will be sitting under the sun remembering those faded memories, the only thing I can claim my authority on. But you never know when they might fade away.